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| 31122010.The last day of year 2010.I'm having mixed feeling. I can't wait for this year to come to an end but yet at the same time I'm not looking forward to 2011. 2010 was way much more worst than 2009. What if 2011 will be even worse than 2010.
You see,I lost all hopes. I stop hoping that things will be better, that next year will be better than this year. Because 2010 taught me alot about disappointments. I kept having hopes but all I got was disappointment. Disappointment were being thrown at my face,over and over again. So now, I stop having hopes.
This year everything turned out like shit. Hopes becomes disappointment. Promises became empty words. Words were louder than action. Limits were crossed to the extreme. Is there even a turning point,I'm not sure too.
My dear girls I know you all have been hoping I find myself back. I hope so too and I really wanna assure you girls. But, you see what I've been through this year. I dun think you girls will get the previous me back. All these things that happened, it changed me 360 degree. I've lost myself in the process of all these drama. Honestly I miss the 'back then me' but I was full of hopes back then. Disappointment wasn't being thrown at my face. Now, it's different. Things change, situation is different, people changed.
Seeing someone you adore so much, the person who you pour your feelings to, the person you shower your love to, the person whom you put your trust in, the person whom resides in your heart, the person whom you truly care changed into someone that you don't recognize anymore...the feeling,I Duno how to describe it..
2010,you've been very cruel to me.I am glad you'll be gone within a few hours time. | | |
| Time flies. Another 2weeks and it's the end of 2010. How did your 2010 turn out? A memorable one?
My 2009 ended with some unresolved issues. I seeped into 2010 full of hopes and expectations. I think I'll be ending this year with disappointments. Hopes,promises,wishes were just words. Empty promises which were never meant to be fulfilled. Empty meaningless words. I find myself being let down,again & again. By the person who told me to put trust upon them. I seriously do not not my expectations were too high. Maybe the only challenges was whether you want to do it or not. Maybe!!
Yup,life has been throwing shits at me. One after another. All piled up with no freaking solutions. All the unresolved issues. I see myself change drastically. I would say I prefer the old me. Life was full of hopes and dreams back then. No longer the same. Flowers bloom and withered. And the same goes for me. But life goes on. I guess I just have to throw all my hopes and expectations away,and carry the disappointment with me to remind me to never ever let myself fall into this again.
I am so tired so sick of waiting for something which I Duno whether will ever come. Sometimes I dun even know what am I waiting for. I'm just so sick of it. And I hate it,alot. | | |
| Here I am again..
Feeling vulnerable,yet again..having the same feeling which I felt 6mths ago.
2010 been really shity for me.Cant wait for it ti end.Am having so many decisions
to make but I'm pushing everything to the side,procrastinating,waiting for a solution,decision.
I'm confused.Mess mess mess!!
Stop torturing me!Be good to me,I can't take it already!
Issues after issues!!
I was wondering,since when did my hopes&wishes turns into fear??
Am afraid of hoping,afraid of wishing..yet I couldnt stop hoping&wishing.
Hates disappointment!Hates empty promises!!freaking hates it..
If only you could understand what I want.If only you could feel what I feel.
If only you could make things better!I do not think my expectations are too high!! | | |
| I had a simple yet wonderful weekend with the other half.That makes me a happie happie girl.He fulfilled the promise that he made.hearto
BBQ with a bunch of friends was fun fun..played real poker for the first time.Enjoyed it in d beginning but then got bored and played "milking the cow" game.
I wonder,is my happiness worth your heartache,your sadness..does my happiness worth so much?If you ever came across this page,I want you to know,I'm not a selfish person.I care about your feelings too.I want you to be happy too.There's no such thing as,as long as you're happy,the rest doesnt matter..no,it doesnt work that way..I wanna be happy and I want you to be happy as well.My heart aches.Seeing you suffer in order to make me happy.The fact that you have to go through all those just to give me this..makes me wonder...
How much more can you take?How much more can you go through before you say you had enough,you're done..
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| Here I am,updating my blog in the middle of the nite..being MIA for quite some time,and using my phone to type this entry.
Lots of things are going through my mind right now.Challenges with no proper solutions.So should I just pretend nothing is bugging me and hope that eventually it doesnt bug me or blurt it out knowing that there's nothing much can be done?I hate being in this situation.Feels so vulnerable.If only you could feel what I am going through every single day,every freaking night.
If only..
Teach me how to deal with this?
To the stalker who is stalking me through web,stop it.You wont get anything out of it.So what if you have access to my page,photos,information?What do you plan to do with it?No point creating so many accounts or putting sexy chic pic or some random guy pic.You can play your little game yourself.I do not have time for such childish act.
My mind needs to rest now.Nite Nite people | | |
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